"Gives me the Jibblies"

Today was another slow day at work. It gave me plenty of time to think about things.

The other night I came home from work to find my roommate, Danielle making her top ten lists- her favorite things. The only thing was that most of her lists had more than ten things in them. She had made them ridiculously specific, too. “Favorite non-American Actors,” (25 items;) “Favorite Broadway actors” (11 items.) But you know, I can identify with her. I tried making my top fives a while ago and none of them had five things in them. Some of them had four, some of them had six. I figured that “top five” was just a vague guideline.

So today, I was thinking about top tens and top fives while I was bored at work. Primarily, I was trying to think of all the things that scare me the most. A partial list:

1. Clowns. Clowns don’t really horrify me as much as the make me uneasy. If there were like, 600 clowns in one place, then that would horrify me. One clown just makes me uneasy.


2. Puppets. Any kind of puppets. Those big-mouthed puppets that they use in puppet ministries at churches, sock puppets, marionettes. Ewww, marionettes.


3. Precious Moments paraphernalia. Truly horrifying. The paintings of the kids with the big, sad eyes? Jenn, from work, said that one of her friends made the comment, “They make those after dead kids.” This friend thought that that made the phenomenon even worse. Did you know that one of those freaking figurines cost like, 800 dollars? Did you know that there’s a place called the “Precious Moments Chapel” in Carthage, Missouri? It’s true. It’s this whole place devoted those creepy little buggers. The worst part was this path you have to walk down with little statues lining it. It was like some sort of twisted graveyard.


4. Food in the shapes of animals/people. Especially animal crackers and gingerbread men. Ewww, gingerbread men. I don’t know why this bothers me so much. Maybe it’s because of the way you always eat one of these things- you know, you gnaw off the arms and legs, then eat the torso? It’s making me shudder. Moving on.


5. Oprah. Seriously. How scary is this woman? She has more control over American culture than anyone in recent history. She basically tells Americans what to read, what facial moisturizers to use, which perfume is best, even what the best kinds of sheets to have on your bed, and people eat it up. Don’t listen to her, America! Don’t be sheep! Go against the grain!


6. Richard Dreyfuss. I don’t know why. I just get a general weird feeling from him. Mr. Holland’s Opus? Krippendorf’s Tribe? Auugh!

Anyway, that’s just a few of the things that bother me. I know that there must be more, but I can’t think of any right now. I know that this list gives you a disturbing look into my psyche. A revoir,

Brianne <><